


For want of a suit of armour...

by Profilore



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: AU, Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Comedy, Depression, Gen, He'll get better, Notice the not using warnings tag, Poor Ed, Self-Hatred, Shit will get bad, Suicidal Thoughts, also, also a bit of, and, cause this is Ed for ya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-05-31 05:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Profilore/pseuds/Profilore
Summary: ...a teddy bear works just as well. But not quite.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This AU idea won't let me sleep at night, so i decided to try and get it out. Updates will be rare, probably. If anyone wants to beta for me, or just give me ideas as to where this shoud go, let me know in the comments. Enjoy!

The boy, Hughes thought at first, was an upright-walking porcupine. He was terribly serious, all clenched fists and purposeful gait and weary sideways glances. During their first meeting at central command, when Hughes dared to make a comment on how sometimes famous alchemists come in small packages, the look the boy gave him was fit to freeze an ocean. He didn’t talk much, just listened to others talk around him. He ate as if he hasn’t seen any food in a week. When Hughes told him to relax and enjoy the supper with them, it changed nothing, the boy just kept eating at a break-neck pace. After he cleaned his plate for the third time, he thanked Gracia for the meal and asked to be shown to a bed. It was barely even nine.

Unable to stop thinking, Hughes gave up on sleep around one in the morning and went to the living room, hoping to get some reading done, at least. The guestroom door was open by a crack, and he heard something… whispering?

Careful to make no noise, he laid a hand on the doorframe and listened.

“…Miss Gracia’s quiche was amazing. It looked like mom’s and even tasted almost the same. And she’s got kind eyes, like mom, too. They’re green and bright, like young tree leaves in spring. Her hair is chestnut. She’s not overweight or anything, but her face is nicely round, womanly, you know? Lt. Coronel Hues has black hair, and his face is a bit long and angular, but it doesn’t look weird, just manly. He has a bit of stubble, but I don’t think it counts as a beard, too short. More of a shadow. He’s got dark eyes… maybe green, donno for sure, I haven’t seen him outside in the sun yet. And the little Alicia is so adorable… It’s no wonder Hughes can’t stop bragging about her.

I’m so sorry you can’t get to know them. I’m so sorry, Al. Please don’t hate me. Please don't be sad. I love you. Goodnight…”

The broken whispers fell silent, and Maes leaned heavily on the wall, trying to keep his breathing even and quiet, to keep his racing heart from jumping out of his chest. After a few minutes, gentle snoring could be heard from the room, and he risked taking a peek.

He was lying on his right side, facing the window. He was curled up, his left arm above the blankets and hugging his stomach. No, not his stomach. There was something else. Hughes squinted. A… teddy bear?

He breathed in sharply and turned around, walking away. God, this boy… He wasn’t standoffish, or rude, or anything Maes thought at first, was he? Instead, he was just heartbroken, and very, very alone.

Maes didn’t find any more sleep that night. 

They caught the Freezer two days later. When Maes saw Edward running up to the furer president, his shoulder a bloody mess, his heart clenched. He didn’t realize they’ve made him run around fighting a dangerous rogue alchemist. He was just a boy, for god’s sake!

He tried not to sound too angry talking to Roy, but he probably failed. That was fine with him.

“Why did you make him a state alchemist? God, Roy, why? What reason could there be? He’s just a kid!”

Roy have him a long, considering look. Maes recognized that look. This one meant, “You’re stepping into dangerous territory, and I’m not sure how much you need to know.”

Maes sighed and let him walk away. He knew Roy always had his reasons, even if they weren’t obvious at first glance. He just couldn’t imagine what they could be, this time.

Roy stopped just short of the door.

“I don’t think I should tell you, it’s not my place, but why don’t you ask Edward? He might tell you. I think he likes you.”

Hughes remembered that first night they met. The supper. The stubborn refusal to relax. The conversation with no one under the moonlight.

That boy won’t trust so easily, Maes could tell. Maybe one day, then. But now? Not a chance in hell.

Edward came back from Liore with another hole in his shoulder. Roy wished he could say it was the first time something like this had happened. Ed was a good fighter, especially for a boy of his age and statue, but he fought with a recklessness that spoke of internalized self-hatred. Even though his alchemy made him a very dangerous opponent, quite aside from his martial arts knowledge, the boy collected new scars like it was a hobby.

The worst thing about it was, he didn’t say a word. He never gave away that he was in pain. Roy would have never found out about the bullet wound, if not for the check that came in the mail two days later, for his hospital care. The letter that came with it, signed by a surgeon, expressing his concern over the fact that the young major checked himself out against his medical advice right after they'd finished sewing him up, gave Roy a headache.  
That boy was going to be the death of him.

He really needed to do something about this. Edward’s mental health wasn’t getting any better. He behaved marginally less abnormal around others, and his spells of quietness didn’t last for months at a time anymore, but the recklessness and the disregard for his own life had to be stopped.

Roy had no idea what to do. Should he send the boy to a shrink? No, that won’t help anything. Edward won’t talk to them, the most Roy would get for his trouble is a recommendation to take him off active duty, and then Ed would kill him. As much as Roy wished he could just wrap that kid in a blanket and keep him safe, that wasn’t a valid option. The only thing that kept Edward alive was the desperation to keep moving forward, and to take that away… He might as well sign his death warrant. 

Roy was doing what he could to be trustworthy. He hoped that someday Edward will come to him. That wasn’t enough, by far, but… what else was there to be done?

God… To be honest, he couldn’t even blame the insufferable runt. To survive such a terrible tragedy so young… To lose his whole family… To lose his little brother in such an abominable way…

Roy will never forget the look in Edward’s eyes that day, five years ago. He hoped he would never have to see it again.

Roy had his own guilt, of course. If he’d just come sooner… If he listened to his instincts and took the train to Risenbool a few weeks earlier, maybe, at least, Ed would have still had his little brother.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward Elric was a paranoid little shit, but just this once, Riza was thankful for that.

Ed had been a bit suspicious of him from the start. To be fair, he was suspicious of everyone at first. Tucker just never managed to turn off his internal “you don’t know this person” alarm. He had no idea why, the man just seemed a bit too cold to him, or something. The talk about equivalent exchange over tea reminded him of the Freezer, and not in a good way. It’s not that the logic itself was bad, it’s just that in Ed’s experience, people with that kind of logic often applied it where it didn’t work. Apply that to a chimera that was so frigging miserable that it killed itself (Alphonse… miserable… no, no, cut off that thought, this way lies madness), and you come up with…

Well, Ed wasn’t completely sure what was wrong exactly. He had a vague idea (It made him sick already), but he needed more data, and he needed it fast.

There was only one way to find out what Tucker was doing behind closed doors without listening at the door or hiding in a closed for the whole night.

"Ed? Do you still think there's something wrong with Mr. Tucker?" A quiet voice asked. They were in their dorm room and the door was closed tight, and in the early hours of the morning there was no real danger of being overheard. 

"Yea. I hate to do this... But I need you to spy on him for me. I'll have to... "forget" you in his lab tonight. Will you be ok?"

"Of course, brother. He won't even notice me, don't worry. Even if he does, I'm just a toy, remember? Just put me somewhere high up, so Alexander can't chew on me.”

The call came early in the morning. Roy was a bit distracted by the shitstorm investigation of the state alchemist murders, so it took him a few seconds to pick up.

The last thing he expected to hear was Ed’s voice, shouting hysterically, “Tucker is going to use his daughter!”

“…What?”

“The chimera! Coronel, he used his wife two years ago, and now he’s going to use Nina! You gotta stop him, right now!”

Roy’s eyes widened. Not only was this the longest he’s heard Edward speak in one go in a while, what he was saying… He shouldn’t believe him so easily, with no proof… But it sounded terribly, disgustingly like the truth. From what he knew about Tucker, aside from his talking chimera phenomenon, he was a nobody in the alchemical community. He never made any other important discoveries, and most of the research he did was never published. Roy paled.

“How did you find out, Fullmetal? Are you sure? I need proof, I can’t just arrest him because you said so.”

“I’m fucking positive, alright? I snuck into his house last night. He was talking to himself, the crazy fuck. Also, the circle he’s working on, it has elements of… you know frigging what! Just get your ass here fast! I’m at a phone booth outside, I’m gonna go pretend to study again, watch over Nina. “

“Wait, are you sure you’ll be alright there? Maybe you should wait for MP’s…”

“No! Are you nuts? I can’t leave Nina alone with him now! And what’s he gonna do to me, throw chalk at my head? He’s not a fighter.”

That was fair. Roy had to admit that no matter his age or physical strength, Tucker was no Fullmetal.

“Alright, do it. Just try not to give yourself away, don’t make him suspicious, we don’t want him to destroy his notes, they’ll be the main evidence. Do you know for sure you weren’t seen snooping?”

“Yea, no, I wasn’t, he was asleep, and I know what I’m doing.”

“Then go.”

Roy wanted to add, “Be careful anyway!” but Edward had hung up on him already.

When Riza pulled up to the Tucker residence, Edward was sitting on the grass outside, Nina in his lap. He was seemingly trying to teach her a clapping game, and she was giggling as she tried to keep pace. When he saw her opening the front gate, his shoulders dropped down in obvious relief.

“Hi Ed, hi Nina! Nina, love, do you remember me? I’m Riza Hawkeye.”

Nina hid behind Edward’s leg, hugging it, and Riza’s eyes stung just a bit. Edward’s hand came down to rest upon the little girl’s hair, gentle and calming. She’s never seen him show physical affection to anyone before. She was starting to wonder, but… Maybe there was still some hope for Edward’s heart, after all. She should have known the boy had it in him.

The military police arrived just a few minutes later, and Tucker was led out in cuffs. Nina was already in Riza’s car, sharing the backseat with Edward, sufficiently distracted for the time being. Good. She didn’t need to watch her dad be roughly pushed into a police vehicle by the officers. They’ll have to sit her down for a talk later, and find out if she has any living relatives… What a mess. Riza shuddered at the thought of that little girl in the middle of transmutation circle, hugging her dog and smiling as her father prepares to destroy her life forever.

Edward Elric was a paranoid little shit, but just this once, Riza was thankful for that.

Reading Edward's analysis of the transmutation circle from Tucker’s confiscated notes, for the first time, Roy felt grateful that human transmutation was easy as breathing for him. Maybe saving Nina will let Edward start on the road to forgiving himself.

The boy was sitting in the chair in front of his desk, his legs crossed, staring out the window. Roy’s eye fell upon the plush toy, whose head was visible from Ed’s usual backpack.

‘He’d be proud of you, you know,' He wanted to say. ‘He wouldn’t want you to keep punishing yourself like this. Don’t you see that you deserve to be saved too?’

He tells the boy to go and rest, instead. Maybe, one day, Edward will be ready to hear it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have a little brother!”  
> Nameless’ hand froze, just short of the boy’s forehead.

“Wait! Shit, just, wait a minute, I’m not running, ok? You’re the guy, the state alchemist killer, right? That’s why you’re after me? Shit, shit, just, calm down for a second!”

The boy was, indeed, not running away anymore. Nameless had chased the little monkey halfway through the city already, so that was a welcome change. ‘Fast and agile, even with his short legs,’ he thought, coming to stop a few steps away from the boy. ‘But his stamina is almost done for. He can’t run away any longer, even if he tries. No harm in giving the misguided child a chance to pray for his soul.

He said as much, but the as the kid recovered his breath, instead of starting to pray, he took off his backpack, throwing it to the side.

“Listen… please listen to me for a minute. You won, alright? I can’t run away, I can’t fight you, you’re scary strong. Just… tell me, what sin are you trying to punish me for? The rest of the people you’ve killed… It was still terrible, that you did that, but I realize they all fought in Ishval, I know what it means. I know they… weren’t innocent. You’re going for revenge, right? For your people?”

Nameless’ eyes narrowed. His shades got broken at the very beginning of the chase, while the boy was still fresh enough to fight back.

“I don’t have to justify myself to you, boy. You are stalling. Time’s up…”

“No, wait!”

The boy just barely dodged another attack that would have left him without a head. Nameless was getting tired of the acrobatic little monkey. He’s never had this much trouble fighting a state alchemist before. ‘If this goes on much longer, the MP’s will find us. I have to finish him quickly.’

“I have a little brother!”

Nameless’ hand froze, just short of the boy’s forehead.

“Please! He’s as good as dead without me! He’s in trouble, and I’m trying to save him! That’s why I joined!”

From this close, Nameless could see the tears running down the boy’s face. He also noticed something else, something strange about the boy’s position. He’d thrown one hand in front of his body, just survival instinct, nothing interesting here, but the other was clutching the battered backpack, as if it was the post precious thing in the world. He didn’t dodge Nameless’ last move… because the backpack could have been destroyed instead?

The boy was frozen with fear, hopeless and trembling, and his eyes were squeezed shut, so it was child’s play to reach around him and take the bag in one swift move. The boy screamed.

“No! No, please, don’t touch it! Please!”

Nameless ignored the increasingly hysterical babbling and reached inside. There were only a few things in the bag. A survival knife. Matches. Bandages, antiseptic… And a worn, but clearly well-loved, teddy bear.

Can his story be true? A state alchemist, a weapon, a machine of endless destruction, a fighter, a little boy, an older brother, a man on a mission. What should matter? What would Ishvala want him to do?

The screeching of slowing vehicles and shouts coming from around the corner broke his contemplation. Nameless decided to take it as a sign. Nothing in this world happens without a reason. He threw the bag, along with the toy, to the child’s feet, turned and ran.

The sheer relief Roy felt when he saw Edward in the alleyway, crying and breathing and alive!.. left him breathless. He fell on his knees near the boy, took him by the shoulders, and then swept him into a hug. Edward was shaking fit to fly apart, wet, cold, covered in cuts and bruises, but here. Alive. Whole.

The noise of the car doors slamming, heavy army boots hitting the ground all around them, and the shouting of the men, led by Hughes, deafened him for a minute, so he didn’t notice Edward’s voice at first.

“I’m ok, I’m ok, we’re ok, Al, we’re gonna be fine, shhh…”

The boy was hugging the teddy bear, talking to it in a fevered whisper. It was as if he hasn’t even noticed Roy at all. Horrified, Roy clutched the child closer, muffling him.

“Edward, it’s over, you’re safe. Come on, come back to me… “

The babbling quieted down to ragged, hiccupping breaths. The boy tensed. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, Roy let him push himself away slightly, but didn’t let go. Ed raised his glassy gaze, as if still disconnected, but the next words out of his mouth were, at least, addressed to reality. 

“I’m ok… Thank you, colonel…”

“Ed! You’re alright! Thank god, we’ve been all over the city looking for you, you’re not hurt, are you?”

Maes, having finally given his men all necessary instructions, crouched down beside them. Edward shook his head and hugged the plushy even closer. Maes, seeing this, looked to Roy for an explanation, but he had none to give, not here anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas where this could go, or notice a spelling error, please tell me in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a fluff warning. )
> 
> “Hey, Edward…”  
> “Are you alright? Really?”

They brought him back to HQ. Ed was too embarrassed and shocked to put up a fight, so he let Mustang and Hawkeye stir him to a car and just about hold his hand all the way into the building. He surprised himself by not flinching away from every gentle hand, but he supposed the relief and gratefulness must have taken away the fear, for now. Thinking about it was starting to bring it back, though, so he cut that line of thinking off and took a sip from his lukewarm coffee.

Mustangs’s guys had left a few minutes ago, their workday finally over. The only (visible) people left in the room were Hawkeye, the colonel and Hughes, and the last two had disappeared into the coronel’s personal workroom. Hawkeye was sitting in the corner closer to the exit, cleaning her gun and probably waiting for Mustang to leave.

Finally, his coffee cooled to undrinkable, disgusting temperature, and Ed put it on the closest horizontal surface. Sighed, trying not to picture the conversation going on behind the closed door.

“Hey, Edward…”

He looked up. The lieutenant was looking at him now, her eyes as sharp and attentive as ever, but there was a softness there. Ed realized it wasn’t the first time he saw it directed at him. It made him feel strangely unsettled, knowing how much she cared. When people cared, he hurt them. That was just a fact.

“Are you alright? Really?”

Ed thought about it for a second. He was never alright, not really. That word has lost it’s meaning to him a few years back. But for the moment he was safe. Al was safe. That’s what matters, right? Why would she care about all the other nonsense? He nodded and tried to smile at her. He wasn’t sure how successful that was, but she seemed satisfied. One of the reasons Hawkeye was one of his favorite people here. She had a way of… believing in people, having faith, letting them do their thing. A rare fucking talent.

That reminded him, suddenly, of an issue he was having. Suddenly feeling shy, he approached her, trying not to freak too much. He rarely spoke to people these days, unless he had to, so he had no idea how to behave around them. Well, the nice ones, anyway. (Teacher and Winry totally didn’t count, they were monsters in disguise).

“Lieutenant, I was wondering… If you have, say… something-of-a-mother-figure,” he spit out in one breath, trying not to blush, “What would be a good thing to give them? Like, a thank-you present?”

Ed wanted to fall through the floor and disappear. Truth, what a dumbass he was. She’s a military officer, why would she care about… By the time he gathered the courage to look up again, the lieutenant’s face, initially surprised, was already turning thoughtful, so it was too late to take the words back.

“That’s a difficult question. To be honest, I have no idea. I never really had someone like that. But I’d say if you are choosing a gift for someone you love, you’ll want to make it mean something. I guess something that will bring back good memories you’ve had with her, or something you know she enjoys, something you can enjoy together.”

What did teacher like to do, aside from beating up little boys? Cooking, and reading and, and… What else? ‘Come on, you’re not gonna her even more knives or books, she’ll just throw them at your stupid head…’

Suddenly an idea came, and Ed smiled. Teacher was rough, and harsh, and all that… but she cared. No doubt about that. As much, if not more, then they cared about her. She cared about them as if they were her sons. It was about time he acknowledged it. What would a mother want to get from her sons? Well, a visit would be a good start. Then she can be sure they were safe, for the time being. She’ll also get to do something she enjoys – beating him senseless, that is. He also had an idea of how to bring back some good memories, but that will have to wait for next time. Mount Briggs was a bit too much of a detour to take… Never say never, though.

Coming out of his thoughts, he caught the lieutenants eye. She was smiling at him in a way he’s never seen before.

He blushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the cudos and faves! You make my day!  
> Any plot suggestions and corrections are still very wellcome.
> 
> I don't know if the updates will keep coming as often as they have been, but we'll get there eventually, don't worry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If what you’re saying is true, then Roy, how the hell did he pass his first mental eval?”

With the lives they’ve lived, Maes was fairly used to terrible situations. He was even used to talking them out with Roy, usually at a loud bar, or on the phone at three in the morning. It’s been awhile since he was so horrified, speechless and stunned, though, so sue him. He walked up to the cabinet in the corner, ignored Roy’s alarmed “Hey!” as he quickly found his secret booze stash behind a few smaller books, and returned to the table with an opened bottle.

What should they do with him, indeed. Now that Roy made him aware of Edwards… issue, the one-sided conversation he’d overheard was making a disturbing amount of sense. A condition, caused by the early trauma… Maes has had the misfortune of working with people who were never quite the same after Ishval. Let’s just say, there was a good reason they made mental fitness evaluations mandatory for all officers a few years ago. Come to think of it…

“If what you’re saying is true, then Roy, how the hell did he pass his first mental eval?”

Oh no. That was Roy’s guilty face.

“I see. He didn’t. Did he even have one?”

“…No. I have some connections amongst those who evaluated us after the war. Since he is still a minor, after some… persuasion, they allowed me to report on his performance and personal qualities instead.”

“And let me guess: you lie your ass off on those reports.”

“Let’s just say, I exercise my ability to accentuate the positives and praise my subordinates.”

Maes heaved a big sigh. Overstepping his authority and trampling all over military regulations to help his team. Well, everyone has their little quirks. Speaking of.

“Are you sure this is wise, though? The boy does need help. Even overlooking the biggest issue here, you can’t just keep throwing him into one dangerous situation after another and expect him to be fine. He’s just a child, Roy, and children might be a bit more flexible with trauma, but if you don’t take care of this sometime soon, one day I’ll be too much. What’s to say his little bro won’t tell him to come see him in the next world?”

“God, Maes… Don’t you think I’m aware of that? I know this is a big risk. He’s already acting strange, has been since I brought him in, in fact. It’s like he’s looking for something important, but he won’t tell me what, or let me help. Even his mission reports, if you can call them that, are so full of holes you can use them as a percolator. But with all this, as far as I’m aware, he’s never actually harmed anyone, Maes. Wherever I send him, whatever his secret mission is, he doesn’t allow it to stop him from helping. You know what they call him out in the country? The alchemist of the people. You don’t get that kind of reputation by acting selfish or crazy.”

Maes has known Roy for years, and the things he didn’t say rang in his ears just as loudly as those he did. ‘I can’t let him go, because I need him. As much as I wish I could put him first, his successes are my successes, so he’s helping me climb the ladder.’ Also, ‘Even if I did let him go, all it will do is take him away from me, and then I’ll be even more unable to help. While he’s one of mine, at least I can protect him.’

Maes could understand both motivations, he also didn’t have a single doubt that the protectiveness would overcome anything else in a heartbeat, so there was no harm in cutting Roy some slack.

“Well, what are you going to do now? You must have some ideas, I know you, you wouldn’t have started this conversation if you hadn’t.”

“Right now, I think what Edward needs the most is a break. He also needs to be safely away from East City while we hunt down Scar. Out of all widely known state alchemists, he is the most vulnerable. That has always been true, but now it’s especially important. So I’m going to send him away for a while.”

“What do you have in mind? Also, he can’t travel alone right now, Roy, so he’ll need an escort.”

“Exactly. There’s been some small-time trouble in the southeast, just inside Ishvalan borders. As you probably know, the new railroad is supposed to be built by the country’s perimeter, to connect all the border transit points and enable us to send troops to any point of the border, at any time. I recently received a report that the workers had run into an ongoing problem and have need of an alchemist to resolve it. It shouldn’t be a hard for Edward. There’s little to no danger of a fight breaking out in the region, right now there’s nothing but desert and rubble there for many kilometers. But you are right, Edward can’t go alone. I can’t go with him, nor do I have another state alchemist under my jurisdiction. But you do.”

“You mean Alex Armstrong? Didn’t they tell you on the phone that he’s injured?”

As far as Maes understood from listening in on that conversation, Armstrong had found Scar only a few minutes after he abandoned the fight with Edward. The major had fought him to the best of his ability, but the bastard destroyed his left ear and fled when the police caught up with them. A tough customer, indeed.

“He was, but the damage was only cosmetic, his hearing is undamaged and he didn’t lose much blood. He didn’t even take medical leave, so he’s considered fit for duty. Hopefully, this easy job will allow him some time to recover as well.”

Maes thought it over for a moment, but the pleading look Roy was giving him was enough to sway him. It usually was. Damn that man. Maes could only do one thing to avenge his pride. He pulled out his latest batch of Alicia’s pictures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanx to everyone who read and left cudos! You guys motivate me to make this story more epic than i imagined at first. Look at that, a deviation from canon storyline. I sure haven't seen it coming.  
> Updates will be more spread out, maybe once or twice a week, i need more time to structure the story properly. It'll hopefully be worth it.  
> If you have any plot sugggestions or want to point out some problem, please do so in the comments. Also let me know if you've enjoyed it so far.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever that major’s arrival will bring to his men, at least this dumbass will probably get a demotion. A man can hope.

“Al, say something, please. Please… don’t be mad at me. I know why, and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Al. I can’t imagine what it was like for you to watch that happen. You can punch me in the face first thing when we get your body back, alright? Just please… You… scare me when you’re so quiet. I can’t help but think… what if your seal…”

“… Sorry, brother. I’m not mad anymore. And I won’t do that to you again. Just promise me you’ll never try to throw yourself in front of me again. I don’t matter, alright? Without you, I’m nothing, anyway.”

“Don’t you say that! Al… I’m the one who’s useless without you. I’m so sorry, little brother. I’ll work even harder to get you back to normal, you’ll see! Just please… please don’t hate me for this…”

“Ed… I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry you feel so bad, that you keep apologizing even after I’ve told you to stop it a hundred times. You are not the only one to blame for this, so stop it! Please! I can’t stand listening to you say that every night, even when I can’t reply! You know what the hardest thing is for me? It’s not that I can’t do anything or… or talk to other people. It’s that I have to watch you suffer like this!”

“Hhhhnnngh… I’m s-sorry…”

“Shh, it’s ok, brother. Don’t cry. I don’t hate you. I could never. I love you. Just try to go to sleep, ok?”

“Y-yea… I love you too. You’re… You’re all that matters to me.”

“I know. Thank you. Goodnight, Ed.”

“Goodnight, Al.”

Greg took his tray from the server, nodded his thanks and turned around, looking for a place at one of the large wooden tables. Most of his men were already snoring in their tents, so there was finally room. Noting down expenses and writing the daily report always made him late, but Tatyana, bless that woman, never seemed to run out of grub until he got some.

The food at the temporary builder’s camp was bland, but at least it was free. Greg was not about to complain about the size of the portions, either. The hearty meals made the sweaty, monotonous job of a foreman just a bit more bearable.

He knew he had it easy, though. The men didn’t get to stand around supervising most of the day, and the… issue with the tracks, if not resolved soon, was bound to get them all in trouble. The military won’t keep paying for their meals if doing so won’t get them the railroad, so something needed to get done about that.

He’s only started eating when a grating voice broke though the peaceful murmurs of the food tent.

“Dense! A word. Now.”

Greg sighed. His family name was Dance, but first lieutenant Barker was seemingly incapable of remembering it. No sense trying to remind him, again. Abandoning his mostly untouched serving, he stood up and followed him outside. The desert wind was picking up as it was wont to do during the night, so there wasn’t much chance that their usual argument would disturb anyone.

Barker looked more pissed off than usual, and Greg had a suspicion as to why.

“I knew you were incompetent, but I didn’t think you wanted to be fired! If that’s the case, then all you had to do was mention it. No need to drag me into the mud with you!”

“You know we can’t go on as we’ve been, sir. My men are afraid to continue working, and even those who are brave enough to try can’t get any progress. We’ve done all we can here. It was either send that report, or break the contract and leave, and I know my men didn’t come out to the east just to return empty-handed and ruined. They’ve families to feed.”

“Do you even understand what kind of hell you brought down on my head? I just received a call. The first call in all the time I’ve been out here. From Eastern Command.”

Greg stood still, hoping that the lieutenant will get to the point faster without interruptions. The man could go on like nobody’s business.

“Do you want to know who was calling, Dence? It was colonel Mustang. The Flame Alchemist! I’d hoped to make his acquaintance, sure, but the first thing I had to tell him about was your failure to reign in that herd of flea-ridden sheep you call your men! I’ll never be able to look him in the face now.”

Greg sighed again. That Mustang, whoever he was, was very lucky that he’ll never have to deal with Barker. Actually, Greg had a suspicion that the lieutenant’s unfortunate placement so far away from Eastern HQ was no accident.

“He’s sending his people here, and at least one of them is major Armstrong. He’s one of those Armstrongs, related to the general. You will take a car right now and wait for them at the station. I don’t care if you have to wait two days, you will greet them and show them every courtesy! And I’ll supervise your morons tomorrow, to make sure they’re not seen lazing about. And if you say one word about that... silly ghost story, you’ll never see another paycheck as long as I live, I promise you that!

Well, there goes his dinner. Unwilling to listen to another rant, Greg agreed and made way to his tent for a change of clothes.

Whatever that major’s arrival will bring to his men, at least this dumbass will probably get a demotion. A man can hope.

“So, major, what do you think about the assignment?” Edward asked as the train started to gather momentum and the platform drifted out of view.

“I do not expect there to be any difficulty, not with the construction of the tracks. I am not bad with metals, while you are doubtless a master of transmuting almost any solid material. However, you never quite know what to expect that close to the eastern and southern borders, so I would advise caution.”

“Yea, I figured. Well, at least if we manage to finish the railroad, we can come back by the eastern track. It’s been a while since my last maintenance appointment. We could visit my mechanic at Risenbool. I mean, if you don’t mind?”

Alex didn’t mind in the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. This author's been having a bit of a block. I'm over it now, and we're getting closer to the interesting parts. Thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments! Be back soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Major? What? Are you alright?”

The day was ending, the sun just about to fall behind the hill, when the last train arrived. To be exact, there were only two trains scheduled to come that day, but Greg wasn’t about to return to camp without the guests, he’d never hear the end of it from Barker, so he’s been in town for the whole twenty hours. The unexpected break was nice, of course, but he couldn’t help but worry about Barker coming down on his guys in the meanwhile. They were all good, hardworking men. They didn’t need the irate lieutenant’s shrill lectures. It’s not like they ever got a rest around here, not with what’s been happening. In all truth, Greg was getting a bit paranoid himself, even though he wasn’t in the least superstitious.

And then he saw them. A tall, broad man in uniform, and a short blond boy, obviously not old enough to be in the army. A relative then, taken along on a trip, but probably not a very close one. Too different.

As he came closer, he saw the major laughing and patting the boy on the shoulder. The little one looked like he’d felt it right down to his knees. And no wonder – the closer he got to them, the more he realized that the major wasn’t simply tall – he was enormous, easily twice as wide and two heads taller than most men. And here Greg thought that Barker’s name was telling.

Greg introduced himself and led them to the waiting car.

“You’re the foreman here, right? So you must know something about what the problem is. Can you tell us?” asked the boy, settling on the front seat. The major was obviously a bit too large to fit there comfortably, so he made his way to the back without a word.

“I sure do, but are you even supposed to be butting your nose in the army’s business? What are you, fourteen? Major’s cousin?”

“… Fifteen, actually, and I’ll read the report anyway. Major Armstrong won’t hide anything from me.”

“So you are related, huh. Why the formal address, then, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Ehm…”

“That’s right, Edward. I’ve told you, you can call me Alex. After all, are we not of the same…”

“Line?” the boy interrupted, glaring at the major. Oooh, family drama?

The man looked sheepish for a second. That was a strange look on someone so intimidating, but it gave Greg some hope. Maybe he’s not such a hardass, maybe he’ll actually try to help.

“I’m sure the major can figure his job out just fine, kid. You just relax and we’ll arrive at the camp in no time. There’s some kids your age staying. Some of my guys don’t have a wife at home, so they brought them with. I’m sure you’ll make some friends.”

The boy’s face became positively stormy, and Greg laughed. What a curious brat. Such a temper. Maybe he should get to know him if he gets a chance.

As Barker ordered, Greg brought them to the camp first and gave a short tour – the tent they’ll be using, the showers, the toilets, and the food place. As they arrived at that last destination, Tatyana was just starting dinner. The men would start coming back in about two hours.

As luck would have it, Mike, her ten-year-old, was sitting at the closest table and doing math. He didn’t look very happy about it.

Tatyana offered to heat something up for the guests. Armstrong refused, but the boy asked for a sandwich, so they sat down. Greg started a polite conversation with the major, hoping to get the man’s measure a bit better.

A few minutes later, he turned to look at Edward, and saw him leaning over Mike’s shoulder, pointing at his notebook and whispering. Well, lookit that. The brat can be useful.

“Is Edward very good at schoolwork, major? Do you think he can help the kids around while you are here?”

“Of course! Young Edward is a true prodigy. He is especially talented at math, physics and chemistry. I’m sure he’ll… be…”

Armstrong’s strong, booming voice turned into a choked whisper, and fell quiet. The man paled, his hands found the table, as if he was suddenly afraid to lose his balance.

“Major? What? Are you alright?”

He didn’t reply, just kept staring unseeingly, wide-eyed and mute, at something above the boy’s heads. Greg noticed the trembling start in his shoulders. After a few seconds, Edward finally noticed the sudden silence.

“Major? Alex?”

He jumped over the bench and table both, startling Mike into falling off. He took one long look at his cousin’s face, then back at Mike’s head emerging from under the table, and swore so nastily that Tatyana’s shocked gasp could be heard though the tent’s covering.

Starting to get really worried now, Greg looked to him for explanation.

“Shit,” the boy swore again, tugging at his hair. “Shit, shit. Can you help he get him to our tent?”

“Of course.” He moved to the man’s other side, took him by the shoulder and pulled gently. He was afraid that his and the boy’s strength won’t be enough to get him up, but the man didn’t resist. He moved where they pulled him, like a puppet on strings. As they walked out, Tatyana and Mike followed them with worried eyes.

They brought him to the tent and sat him down on the cot. The giant of a man was still shaking so hard, Greg could have thought an earthquake started under his bedding. Edward kneeled in front of him and took the man by the hands, as if trying to still them. For the first time, Greg noticed the white gloves. ‘Who wears gloves in the desert,’ he thought briefly.

“I think you should leave. Alex needs some rest now. I’ll take care of him.”

“D’you know what’s wrong with him?”

The boy’s face had an expression of… grim understanding.

“Yea, I think so. Go. We’ll be fine. I’ll find you in a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to everyone for reviews and cudos. Hope you're still enjoying this. God knows I am ))


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’ve worked together in the past, and they had an understanding. In spite of the man’s intimidating physique and loud manners, Ed was never really afraid of him, unlike most people. From the very beginning, Ed felt like he recognized something in the man, and now he realized what it was.

Edward sat with the major for a bit, until the man has stopped shaking. He didn’t say anything, no platitudes, no reassurances.

There was nothing he could say. ‘I know what you saw in that boy’s eyes. I’ve been through this too?’ That would have been a lie. Everyone’s demons were different. Everyone’s pain was unique. No hurt was ever the same. When he was like this, all he wanted was to feel someone’s warmth.

If there was one thing Edward learned from travelling all over Amestris and meeting all kinds of people, it was that you don’t always have to understand someone’s pain to help it, though.

“Major… Alex,” he started gently, “I need to go and check out the site. I’ll be back in a few hours. Alright?”

Armstrong visibly shook himself, as if coming out of a trance.

“No, Edward. You shouldn’t be without protection, not now. I’ll join you. Just let me…” He got his legs under him, but Ed didn’t let go.

“You should stay here and get some rest. I really don’t think we’re in any danger here. Wasn’t that the whole point of this exercise, to get away from Scar? I’ll be fine.”

Armstrong was a stubborn man, though, so Ed wasn’t surprised when he refused to be left behind. Ed liked Armstrong. They’ve worked together in the past, and they had an understanding. In spite of the man’s intimidating physique and loud manners, Ed was never really afraid of him, unlike most people. From the very beginning, Ed felt like he recognized something in the man, and now he realized what it was.

They were both, in their core, full of guilt.

Come to think, Ishval’s southern border was pretty close, wasn’t it?

The major still looked somber when they came to find Greg, but it wasn’t any of his business, really, and he didn’t want to get on the man’s bad side prying, so he didn’t ask. He drove them to the site in silence. When they got there, Greg found out that, surprisingly, the youngster was once again determined to take the lead. 

Edward jumped out of the car as soon as they had stopped and ran up the hill. His men were wrapping up for the day, and all of them looked as dirty, sweaty and tired as each other, but having worked with them for more than a year, Greg easily recognized Jeff and Nick, even in the falling dusk. They were at the front, checking the levels one last time, holding a lamp between them. They never stopped doing that, even though he told them it was no use. These tracks weren’t gonna be ready any time soon, no reason to work themselves to the bone.

As he and the major caught up, they saw the boy squatting on the ground near the new tracks. Did he lose something already? Greg shook his head and returned to business.

He introduced the major, glad to see that the man didn’t hesitate to shake all the offered hands, even though they were blacker then the dirt road itself. Seeing that they were getting along just fine (it seemed to Greg that men with a certain amount of muscle mass tended to develop their own language and were always strangely giddy to meet another one of their… type) he left them to it for a bit to check up on the others and find Barker. His men were being weirdly quiet as he got his update, but he only understood why when he found the lieutenant. 

Barker was snoring in the backseat of his car. Laughing, Greg shook the man by the leg.

Muttering to himself about useless miserable bastards without any clue how to obey authority, he crawled out and cut himself off when he realized who woke him up.

“You’re finally back, then. Good. I was about to go crazy dealing with your morons, Dense. I have no idea how you do it. You must need a special mental… spaciousness. So, are they here? Brief me, quick, before I go greet them. I don’t want to look like a fool.”

Greg rolled his eyes (in his opinion, the lieutenant always looked a bit foolish) but started talking. He told it how he thought the man wanted to hear it – the major was, indeed, an Armstrong, he seemed a reasonable sort and brought a relative with him.

“A boy, you say? You have some children in the camp, don’t you? That’s good, that’s very good. Gregory, my man, I want to make sure this boy is very happy here, for as long as it takes the major to finish his… inspection. I’d like it if you could look after him personally and make sure he enjoys his stay. I am sure it won’t be too difficult, teenagers are stupid and easy to please. Just keep him occupied, humor him. That’ll make dealing with Armstrong so much easier for me…”

Somehow, Greg wasn’t so sure about that. Edward was young and emotional, but he didn’t seem stupid. In fact, there was a sharpness to his eyes that told a different story, not to mention that the major seemed to have great respect for Edward’s scholarly achievements, at the very least. There was no harm in helping the boy out though, so Greg agreed.

He escorted the man to the major and watched, somewhat disgusted, as the lieutenant danced before him like a gobbler before a female. Greg never understood that kind of thing. He treated all men more or less the same. Maybe that was one of the reasons his brigade wasn’t often invited to work projects closer to central. Oh well.

He found Edward with his eyes. The boy was standing to the side and talking to Jeff, too quietly for Greg to hear. Suddenly, the boy’s head turned sharply, and he seemed to become exited. Jeff laughed and gave him a shoulder pat, pointing someone out to him, and Edward took off like a shot.

Curious, Greg wandered over.

“Hey, Jeff. What was that about?”

“Oh, nothing much. The kid knows Dex, is all. You remember how he is from Youswell, right? Well, it seems he’s been there before. He was really surprised to hear Dex came to work with us though. Said something about coal.”

They watched as the boy came to a stop in front of Dexter Mergan. When the big man’s face lit up in recognition, he scooped the boy into a hug and gave him a noogie. The boy slipped out of his grip, laughing, and they walked farther away. The darkness was falling fast, and it swallowed their silhouettes. 

Greg smiled to himself, always glad to see his men having a good time, but then he wondered – what was Edward doing in Youswell? There were no Armstrong properties that far east, as far as knew. They were a prominent family, just about the closest thing to royalty Amestris has seen for half a millennium. They’ve long lived in Central, and wasn’t there that one general up north?

It was growing late though, so Greg called out to get his men moving and stirred Edward and Armstrong back to his car.

Before they got in, he took the man aside.

“Hey, major… Is your family interested in moving east? Is that why you’re here for a simple railroad?”

The man looked at him for a moment, lost. Then he laughed. It was the first time Greg’s heard him laugh. It was a… deafening experience, but nice all the same. Then the major gave him a friendly look and got into the car. The lack of a definitive answer was an answer by itself though.

There had to be a reason why, and Armstrong wasn’t telling. Maybe he’ll have more luck asking Edward. They’ll be spending a lot of time together anyway.

When they got back and wandered into the dining tent, Greg saw that Mike was asleep on the table, drooling on his textbook. Figures. That boy was always asleep somewhere. He was also pretty bad at doing homework, even with his mother always looking over his shoulder.

Armstrong took one look at him and walked straight on out. Edward called after him, but didn’t follow. Smart boy. Armstrong definitely looked like he’d need some time alone. Greg ordered their dinner, then noticed the look on Edward’s face and doubled his. The boy sighed gratefully.

“What do you like to do, Edward? You got any hobbies?”

The boy, who until that moment had seemed confident to Greg, suddenly became shy.

“Not really. I’m a bit of a bookworm. Maybe architecture…”

That made sense. The Armstrongs were rather infamous with their mansions. Their conversation drifted from one topic to another, as Greg tried to gauge how much Edward knew about his cousin.

“So, you live with the major? Is he your guardian?”

“… no. I’m a bit of a special case. I don’t have a guardian. If anyone, that would be granny… But she can’t really look after me right now.”

“No parents, huh?”

Edward looked down into his soup.

“Any siblings?”

The boy turned away and threw his legs over the bench, getting up.

“Hey, wait Edward, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you…” But the kid just wrapped his sandwich in a napkin and walked away. He stopped after a few steps, looked back apologetically.

“It’s alright, sir. I gotta bring Alex something to eat. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You don’t think a single sandwich will be enough for him, do you?”

“I don’t think he’s very hungry.”

Greg watched him leave. What is it with Armstrongs and drama?*

Ed was sitting quietly in the dark tent in the early morning, holding Alphonse and whispering to him about his day, as he always did, when he heard a metallic squeak. The sound was familiar, but it didn’t seem like a usual part of the camp’s ambiance, so Ed put Al in the bag and threw it on, sneaking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Poor Greg, he has no idea who he’s dealing with )) Armstrong and Edward are drama kings, lvl80…
> 
> Also, i swear this arc was supposed to be like, 3 chapters max, but's it's taken over the story now, help!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left cudos! You guys make me so happy!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The report said you guys are having trouble putting the tracks down, but I see nothing that could be stopping you.”
> 
> “Well, it’s not so much putting them down that’s the problem.”

Alex woke up just after dawn, as he usually did. Edward wasn’t on his cot, and Alex guessed that the young man was out investigating already. Picking up his slack. Alex was glad to be alone for the morning. He had a lot to think about.

God, was Alex ashamed of himself. They were sent out east to escape a terrible danger, Edward was relying on him for protection, and what did he do? He broke down, again, and then he ran away, again. Unforgivable. Disgusting. Then and there, Alex swore that that kind of thing could never happen again. He will never give in to weakness and abandon his comrades again. He will overcome his shame, apologize and become stronger for his mistakes.

Edward though... That boy was truly something else. 

Alex shook his head and got up to start his morning routine.

Dex had to admit he was curious. The kid came to his hometown one evening, and changed everything around him. In just two days, this boy had done more for Youswell then the entire state military had in twenty years.

Dexter Mergan was a simple guy, but simple didn’t always mean stupid. He preferred to solve problems using his own fists is all. One of the reasons why he didn’t stay home after the ownership change – the fellas stopped fighting for scraps, and there was just no one to wrestle with anymore. A travelling group of builders looking for work in the eastern region never runs out of conflicts, though. The rest of the men were there for the money, but not Dexter. He was in it for the danger.

Which is why he knew perfectly well just what kind of trouble Edward must’ve faced, travelling alone all over the country on military paycheck. So, once he led the kid away from the others, he wasted no time.

“So, you’re still a state alchemist, ah? I just realized something, kid. When we met, you were what, twelve? Why the hell did you join so young?”

Edward’s smile wobbled, and he looked around, checking for eavesdroppers.

“Sorry, can’t tell you. By the way, nobody here aside from major Armstrong knows who I am. I’m just a kid on a trip, ok?”

“Scheming again, I see. Are you gonna get the railroad this time, mister ‘gift from you to me’?”

“Haha. Very funny. I just want to understand what’s going on here. Can you tell me what the problem is? The report said you guys are having trouble putting the tracks down, but I see nothing that could be stopping you.”

“Well, it’s not so much putting them down that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean by that?” Edward looked taken aback.

“I mean, we’ve build this stretch of road seven times already, but whenever we finish, it disappears.”

“…come again?”

“You heard me right, kid. The tracks are gone by the next morning. We have no more clue how it happens then you do.”

“Well, shit. I mean, did you even try to find out?”

“We tried putting up a guard, but the fella was out cold when we found him in the morning, and the tracks were just as gone. Same thing with all the others on the subsequent nights. They saw nothing. Swear they didn’t mean to fall asleep, though.”

The kid fell quiet. Dex could see the tense line of his shoulders and remembered the day he took on Yoki. The boy was older now, and even a bit taller, but that wariness, that nervous tension in him was just the same.

“Listen, Ed…”

“Hmm?”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, you’ve already helped me and my ma a ton by stopping Yoki… But please, figure this out for us, will ya? And I’ll help with whatever you need. I’d be fine without the job, but I can’t say the same for everyone here. These guys accepted me, gave me a chance, even when they didn’t know me. It‘d be a shame if they got blacklisted because of something they can’t help. And I know Barker won’t move a finger, he hadn’t bothered to come up here himself since it happened first time, he’s just been calling us lazy and ignoring the facts, so we’ve got no one else to ask.”

Edward’s eyes were liquid gold, shining from the distant lamplight. He nodded slowly.

“The major and I will get to the bottom of this… I promise.”

Ed walked around the entire perimeter of the camp, but found nothing out of place. The strange sound was long gone. Deciding it was a waste of time to keep looking, he sighed and went to the food tent, hoping to find a cup of coffee.

His luck held and there was a pot already on the burner, as well as a few men waiting on a bench in the front, talking and waiting for it to brew. One of them was Greg.

“Hey, Edward! You’re up early, did you sleep alright?”

“Fine. Just fine. That’s why I’m about to gulp down half of the coffee pot all by myself. That’s just how I am.”

“Oh, morning sarcasm. You’ll fit in just fine, short stuff,” said the other guy, smirking at him. From what Ed overheard, the guy’s name was Rick. Ed took a deep breath, decided not to start a fight just yet (too early for yelling), and gave him the finger. The man laughed.

The conversation between the men turned out to be as boring as they come, something about a storm in the west. Ed only realized that he’d fallen asleep on the table when he felt a hand reaching behind him.

He jumped, snatching the backpack, and less than two seconds later he was three meters away, moving on sheer panic alone. Rick and Gregory stared, wide-eyed, as he crawled away, hugging his bag with one hand.

“Kid? Did I scare you?” Rick asked guiltily.

Ed took a few seconds to just… process. The guy wasn’t ever trying to touch Al, was he? He was just reaching for the condiments. He was such an idiot… They’ll think he’s insane too now, just like Mustang’s team.

The panic that overwhelmed him at the thought that his brother could be taken away from him, so easily, again, was not letting up. Ed tried to breathe slower, to uncurl, but his chest was tight, and his muscles wouldn’t relax. He buried his face in the top of the bag. So childish, can’t even control his stupid breathing! When will it fucking stop?

Ed lost himself in self-deprecation for a moment, so it came as a complete surprise to him when he felt a big, warm hand envelop his whole shoulder. It was Armstrong. He was crouched right next to Ed, his face serious and concerned.

“Alright, Edward?” he asked, looking him straight in the eyes. There was no judgment in his expression, nothing but honest concern. Ed nodded and took the offered hand to get up. The cold clenching grip of panic was loosening around his heart. He could breathe again.

Scar was probably still in east city, he reminded himself, squeezing his eyes shut to hold the tears back. And he him go. The MPs might have had something to do with the criminals hasty retreat that day, but Ed had seen the hesitation, the indecision he demonstrated just before. Ed was safe here, as safe as he ever was, and so was Alphonse. 

Maybe… maybe Ed needed this vacation more then he’d thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Em... we'll get to the plot some day. There is one, i promise =)) This story's just decided to evolve into a new lifeform.
> 
> By the way, check out my other recent fics, you might like them =)


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